Summer is wrapping up and we are getting ready for school to start for the kids. This summer was an energetic whammy for me. I had many emotional ups and downs, but not based on anything in particular. I spent a lot of time in a “hibernation” mode, even though that is typically a wintertime activity. There was a three-part eclipse series and I know that was bringing a lot of energy to Earth and it heightened many people’s sensitivities. I think the biggest lesson I learned is that there is nothing outside of myself that will bring me the joy that I seek (or happiness, but to me joy and happiness are different things). In fact, there is nothing external in my life that is not a mirror for what I have inside myself. This is the same for every person on Earth.
One very happy new beginning, which also demonstrates this principle, is with my partner and how we feel with each other. I shared some of what I was going through in this blog Matters of the Heart, as far as not being able to open up to my partner completely and I had always felt a resistance to doing so.
I have continued to see the Energy Medicine practitioner and we are continuing to clear out the belief that I held/hold in every single charka, “I don’t feel safe to open to my beloved.” The first clearing from the Heart Chakra was shared here.
The next chakra we were working on was the Solar Plexus (Power) Chakra. As we got into it, another past life arose in which I was the mother of my husband (in this life). It was during the Victorian Age (or sometime when women wore those kinds of dresses). My son (husband in this life) was mentally challenged. I don’t know if he had Down’s Syndrome or some other syndrome. He was a very joyful child and always wanted to hug and kiss me, climbing on my lap, etc. I could not handle it and I felt resistance and even repulsion to that. I had my place in society and he did not fit in. I sent him away to live with another family, but he would come back to visit and want the same kind of attention. I felt a huge amount of guilt as a mother, but I just could not deal with it. My son felt totally rejected and as a mother, I also felt resistance and repulsion. Both of us held those respective energies and carried them over to this life. I have come to believe that what is not totally forgiven and resolved in a past life, you bring into your next incarnation for healing. The energy needs to be transmuted back into the Divine energy of which it is and always was. It just got distorted.
While we were clearing the energy out of the chakra, the spirit of that boy (my current husband) came into the session for closure. I did not see/feel his energy but the practitioner did. I gave him a hug (in my imagination), told him I was sorry and practiced Ho’oponopono, which is Hawaiian forgiveness practice, in which you say, “I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” He was carrying the “rejection” energy and the practitioner could feel it leaving his energy field. After the rejection energy was gone, his spirit left the session. I was also consciously forgiving myself and the guilt/repulsion/resistance was leaving my energy field.
These stories are so “far out” and there is no way to validate the details or even the story, except through what changes I see in my life. This healing and clearing was like flipping a switch for us. I no longer felt resistance to my husband. I no longer felt an aversion to his affection or love. He no longer felt rejected or pushed away. It was as if all of that just melted away, in an instant. The feelings or emotions just were no longer there.
What is very interesting about this is because he was carrying “rejection” energy, I had no option but to mirror that back to him. Because I was carrying “resistance/repulsion” energy, he had no option but to mirror that back to me.
There is NOTHING in your external world that is not a mirror for what you are holding within yourself. It is really hard to believe and to trust that, but it is a Law of the Universe. It takes trust, self compassion, love and acceptance of responsibility for your own energy to take action steps to shift the energy.
We like to blame or make claims like:
“If my relationship was better, I would be happy.”
“If I made more money, I would be happy.”
“If I was not so busy and had more time to rest, I would be happy.”
“If THEY did not do THAT, then I would be happy.”
We are chasing the external world and believing if we can change it, we would be happy. If this changes or if that changes, THEN I will be happy. Not true. You might feel satisfied for a minute, then it is the next thing that we start chasing hoping it will fill us up. It won’t. It never will. That is what I am learning.
I thought that if I could just “fix” my relationship, I would feel full and joyful. Well, my relationship is fixed and it is better than ever. It is amazing, actually and I feel supported and loved and I can give that back to him.
So why do I still cry for no reason? Why do I still feel a disconnect with who I AM really? How do I open my heart to myself? How do I know my True Self? That, my friends, is what this journey of life is all about. This remembrance of who our True Self is, is the ONLY reason our souls choose to be here on Earth. We must transmute/purify all of the Divine energy we were gifted that we misused and we must do it here on Earth in these bodies. The body is what is carrying that misused and mis-created energy in our cells.
We don’t always need to know what the “story” of the energy is, but we do need to clear out the emotion that holds the energy in place. We can do this by starting to observe ourselves. What triggers us? What are the patterns we see in our daily life? What emotions come up often? What is showing up in our external lives that is not bringing us joy? This is an exercise in observation of Self and then forgiveness.
I am still observing mySelf. What can you observe about yourSelf and then take responsibility to forgive yourself and others, have compassion for yourSelf, love yourSelf and know that as you heal yourSelf, you are healing the collective consciousness. Our earth and external world will shift, both individually and collectively as you do your healing work. Thank you for the work you are doing. Please call on the Beings of Light that are supporting our transformation. They are always there to help when you ask. Much gratitude and love is being sent your way. You are loved. Thank you.
“You do not see the world as it is. You see it as you are.” –Anais Nin