“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
We are almost six weeks into the new year, 2019. In the past, each year I have diligently written out New Year’s Resolutions. This year I did not really need to write them out. There were only two and they are pretty simple: 1) learn to REALLY love myself and 2) smile more.
Even through all my “working on myself”, I have days that I feel so, so down. It is as if I wake up in a despair and I just don’t know what is the cause. Some days I wake up happy and some days I wake up and I just know that it is going to be “one of those days”. There is nothing “wrong” with the day, with my situation, with life, or with my circumstances, but I just feel so heavy and overwhelmed. I have figured out some things that sometimes help, such as getting out in nature (I have an amazing park by my house), exercising, doing a fast or detox or simply screaming my lungs out and then allowing whatever it is to release through a barrage of tears. Our physical bodies really ARE 1/3rd of our total dynamic, along with the mind and the spirit and I can feel better by allowing a release from the physical body, but then I wake up again and feel the same way.
Well, that is how I USED to feel. For about three weeks now, I have felt peaceful, and even in certain situations when I used to feel anxiety or overwhelm, I don’t feel that anymore. I cannot tell you the exact reason why I have felt good or at least “normal”, but I can wager a few guesses. First, I think setting the intention to love myself no matter what has really shifted my perspective. I don’t need to judge myself or beat myself up for not performing or making a mistake. I simply forgive myself and move on. Next, I think that the Total Lunar Eclipse on January 8th was pretty powerful. I am not an expert on astronomy or astrology, but I do feel that being the third total lunar eclipse in the series was bringing some pretty amazing new “love” energies to earth. Third, I had an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G sound healing session with Irene Ingalls who has Seattle Sound Temple in Seattle. During the session, I was relaxed and did not really “see” or even “know” anything through my intuition, but she “saw” and “knew” and there were some pretty amazing love energies present. All I know is that for the three days after the session, I felt a lot of love for everyone and everything, myself included. That extra special “love” feeling is not at the level it was for those three days, but I still feel at peace and connected.
What is this all teaching me? First that I cannot really love others and share from my heart unless I open it fully and love myself first. Self love opens the heart. After I set my New Year’s Resolution of complete Self Love, it is amazing how this topic has come into my life in so many ways. I love watching Patricia Cota-Robles’ weekly vlogs (video blog). Here are links to her latest two. Vlog 100 – How do you truly feel about yourself? (scroll down for Vlog 100) and Vlog 101 – How our relationships are reflecting how we feel about ourselves. What is the topic? Self Love and how what shows up in our relationships reflects how we love (or don’t love) ourselves. I read Anita Moorjani’s book, Dying to be Me, which was recommended by a friend. What is the topic? Self Love.
I also realize that how I love myself truly reflects back to me in my relationship with my partner and family. The more I love myself, the less critical I am of others, the more patience I have for life circumstances, and the more joy I find with my kids. After so many years of healing, I truly believe Self Love is the key. Often masters or spiritual teachers will say the answer is very simple, and it is. It is definitely not always easy, but it is very simple. Love Thyself.
I encourage you to take one week, or even start with one day, and only talk kindly to yourself. Pretend you were talking to a little 3-year old and she or he was scared and feeling bad. How would you treat the child? Wouldn’t you try to comfort her/him? Would you give the child a hug? You have an inner child that has been wounded and that inner child needs compassion and love. Love that child. You are loving yourself. As you make that inner child feel safe, you can let down the guard and love yourself even more. If you let your mind beat yourself up and judge yourself, just forgive yourself and remember to comfort the child. Every moment is a new moment.
We have been conditioned into thinking we are not worthy, we are not enough, and we are “selfish” if we put our needs first. Believe me, you are not “helping” others if you are not loving yourself first. When you give all your energy to others, then your “giving” turns into resentment, bitterness and anger within yourself. You are looking externally for “appreciation” that you are not getting and you get even more frustrated. Try giving yourself some appreciation. Give yourself what you give others and feel happy doing so. Put yourself first and watch how you become more compassionate, loving and giving toward others with no “strings attached”.
As I write this, I realize that St. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. While you are sharing love with others, please don’t forget yourself. It all starts with you and when you give yourself love, you are loving all of Life.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
– Louise L. Hay