What is Your Mirror?

Mt Shasta July 2018

Summer is wrapping up and we are getting ready for school to start for the kids.  This summer was an energetic whammy for me. I had many emotional ups and downs, but not based on anything in particular.  I spent a lot of time in a “hibernation” mode, even though that is typically a wintertime activity. There was a three-part eclipse series and I know that was bringing a lot of energy to Earth and it heightened many people’s sensitivities.  I think the biggest lesson I learned is that there is nothing outside of myself that will bring me the joy that I seek (or happiness, but to me joy and happiness are different things). In fact, there is nothing external in my life that is not a mirror for what I have inside myself.  This is the same for every person on Earth.

One very happy new beginning, which also demonstrates this principle, is with my partner and how we feel with each other.  I shared some of what I was going through in this blog Matters of the Heart, as far as not being able to open up to my partner completely and I had always felt a resistance to doing so.

I have continued to see the Energy Medicine practitioner and we are continuing to clear out the belief that I held/hold in every single charka, “I don’t feel safe to open to my beloved.”  The first clearing from the Heart Chakra was shared here.

The next chakra we were working on was the Solar Plexus (Power) Chakra.  As we got into it, another past life arose in which I was the mother of my husband (in this life).  It was during the Victorian Age (or sometime when women wore those kinds of dresses). My son (husband in this life) was mentally challenged.  I don’t know if he had Down’s Syndrome or some other syndrome. He was a very joyful child and always wanted to hug and kiss me, climbing on my lap, etc.  I could not handle it and I felt resistance and even repulsion to that. I had my place in society and he did not fit in. I sent him away to live with another family, but he would come back to visit and want the same kind of attention.  I felt a huge amount of guilt as a mother, but I just could not deal with it. My son felt totally rejected and as a mother, I also felt resistance and repulsion. Both of us held those respective energies and carried them over to this life.  I have come to believe that what is not totally forgiven and resolved in a past life, you bring into your next incarnation for healing. The energy needs to be transmuted back into the Divine energy of which it is and always was. It just got distorted.

While we were clearing the energy out of the chakra, the spirit of that boy (my current husband) came into the session for closure.  I did not see/feel his energy but the practitioner did. I gave him a hug (in my imagination), told him I was sorry and practiced Ho’oponopono, which is Hawaiian forgiveness practice, in which you say, “I love you.  I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” He was carrying the “rejection” energy and the practitioner could feel it leaving his energy field. After the rejection energy was gone, his spirit left the session. I was also consciously forgiving myself and the guilt/repulsion/resistance was leaving my energy field.

These stories are so “far out” and there is no way to validate the details or even the story, except through what changes I see in my life.   This healing and clearing was like flipping a switch for us. I no longer felt resistance to my husband. I no longer felt an aversion to his affection or love.  He no longer felt rejected or pushed away. It was as if all of that just melted away, in an instant. The feelings or emotions just were no longer there.

What is very interesting about this is because he was carrying “rejection” energy, I had no option but to mirror that back to him.  Because I was carrying “resistance/repulsion” energy, he had no option but to mirror that back to me.

There is NOTHING in your external world that is not a mirror for what you are holding within yourself.  It is really hard to believe and to trust that, but it is a Law of the Universe. It takes trust, self compassion, love and acceptance of responsibility for your own energy to take action steps to shift the energy.

We like to blame or make claims like:

“If my relationship was better, I would be happy.”
“If I made more money, I would be happy.”
“If I was not so busy and had more time to rest, I would be happy.”
“If THEY did not do THAT, then I would be happy.”

We are chasing the external world and believing if we can change it, we would be happy.  If this changes or if that changes, THEN I will be happy. Not true. You might feel satisfied for a minute, then it is the next thing that we start chasing hoping it will fill us up.  It won’t. It never will. That is what I am learning.

I thought that if I could just “fix” my relationship, I would feel full and joyful.  Well, my relationship is fixed and it is better than ever. It is amazing, actually and I feel supported and loved and I can give that back to him.

So why do I still cry for no reason?  Why do I still feel a disconnect with who I AM really? How do I open my heart to myself? How do I know my True Self?  That, my friends, is what this journey of life is all about. This remembrance of who our True Self is, is the ONLY reason our souls choose to be here on Earth.  We must transmute/purify all of the Divine energy we were gifted that we misused and we must do it here on Earth in these bodies. The body is what is carrying that misused and mis-created energy in our cells.

We don’t always need to know what the “story” of the energy is, but we do need to clear out the emotion that holds the energy in place.   We can do this by starting to observe ourselves. What triggers us? What are the patterns we see in our daily life? What emotions come up often?  What is showing up in our external lives that is not bringing us joy? This is an exercise in observation of Self and then forgiveness.

I am still observing mySelf.   What can you observe about yourSelf and then take responsibility to forgive yourself and others, have compassion for yourSelf, love yourSelf and know that as you heal yourSelf, you are healing the collective consciousness.  Our earth and external world will shift, both individually and collectively as you do your healing work. Thank you for the work you are doing. Please call on the Beings of Light that are supporting our transformation. They are always there to help when you ask. Much gratitude and love is being sent your way.  You are loved.  Thank you.

“You do not see the world as it is. You see it as you are.” –Anais Nin

Matters of the Heart

Do you think your physical heart actually stores memories? Likes? Dislikes?
Joys? Fears? I don’t mean the energetic heart chakra, I mean our physical blood pumping heart. I believe it does. I am sure you have heard the stories of a person who has received a heart transplant and then started loving classical music or drinking beer or having cravings for certain things they did not even like before. The changes in preferences was then corroborated by the donor’s family, that indeed, the donor liked or disliked those things.

If the heart stores memories and the memories were “heart breaking” or painful, how does our mind or body deal with that if we have not healed that hurt? From my experience, for safety, we close our heart (now I am talking about the energetic heart chakra that allows the life force energy to flow into our physical and energetic bodies). We do this through the mind (ego) in order to protect ourselves. At this closure of the heart, new protective patterns get set into place and are often the driving force in situations in our lives, however we don’t consciously know what is driving our situation and sometimes we don’t even consciously pay attention to our own behaviors. Instead, we blame others for our life circumstances.

I believe an open heart is the key to living a joyous life. I am working on healing and opening my heart and sometimes I feel a lot of resistance, which is my mind (ego) trying to protect me from getting hurt because it has memory of past hurt.

How protected is your heart? How much do you allow yourself to feel or how vulnerable are you willing to be? As I am progressing on my journey and becoming more conscious of my actions and feelings, I realized that my heart was not open to my love partner, nor has it been fully open to any love partnership (at least in this lifetime and probably many others). I thought it was, but it wasn’t. I don’t have any problem temporarily opening my heart to a stranger or a very good friend because they are safe (or so I believe), but to open completely to my lover, nope.

Since late 2014, I have been working with an Energy Medicine practitioner, who focuses on clearing the chakras. Initially I went to see her for assistance in the healing of my colitis (which was helpful). Depending on what you choose to work on, she will help you identify the belief that you hold in your chakras around that issue and assist in clearing it. I recently started working with her on the clearing the belief, “I don’t feel safe to open to my beloved.” I have felt for a long time that I am not able to open to my partner completely and fully. When we are intimate, if I initiate it, all is well because then I am in control. If he initiates it, I clam up and don’t feel like it, but would sometimes just override that to keep peace. However, he felt it and so did I.

The first chakra that the Energy Medicine practitioner was called to work on for that belief was my heart chakra. As she was feeling into the different layers (each chakra has 7 layers), she felt a lot of resistance coming from me and was called to go directly to the 7th layer, which is about past lives and generational patterns.

Please note what I am sharing came through the practitioner’s “filter” when she felt into my heart chakra and some of it may be allegory (or just think of it as a story to illustrate a point if you don’t believe in past lives). A past life came up during the time of the Mayas (or ancient civilization in Mexico). I was a female and in a place of power in the community. I had a male partner who I loved dearly with all my heart and was completely open to him in heart, mind, body and soul. He also loved me, but he loved power more. He decided that if he killed me, he would be more powerful, so he killed me and then cut my heart out. I don’t have all the details regarding that past life, but that heartbreak and fear was etched in my heart and was carried through many lifetimes and is coming up in this lifetime to finally be healed. I am healing it. First, through awareness of my actions and feelings. Second, through forgiveness. Finally, through loving my heart and letting my heart know I understand that it experienced pain long, long ago but I am safe now. I no longer need to keep my heart closed for protection. My heart (or maybe the ego mind) believed that if I open my heart completely, I will be killed and that it is not safe.

For this particular belief, “I don’t feel safe to open to my beloved”, I hold it in every single chakra, so I have some work to do. Now that it is on my radar, I can consciously choose to release it from my physical heart cells and transmute the emotions of fear, panic, anxiety, sadness, grief, anger and rage that hold this belief in place. By transmuting those emotions, it will open up so much for space in my heart cells for love and light. As I do this work, it is giving me greater freedom to open completely and feel safe and I am so ready for that! It takes a lot of energy to protect yourself and your heart. I would rather use that energy elsewhere.

I challenge you to look into your lovely heart and see what situations cause you to withhold love or to protect your heart. Look for the patterns in your life (especially the ones you want to blame someone else for) and see how you are protecting yourself. Ask your Guides, Higher Self, God, Divine, Universe or whatever higher power resonates with you for assistance in healing your heart. They will answer, just listen and do not be attached to how the answer shows up. Blessings to your beautiful heart today and always.

Gift from the universe after I was contemplating healing my heart.

I found this leaf on my path after I was sitting in the park contemplating the healing of my heart. We have signs in nature all the time to support us in our journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you to our Creator and all the Beings of Light who are supporting us.

The door to your heart opens inwardly. Only you can open it. –Dragos Bratasanu