As Above, So Below

As Above So Below

I recently had a discussion with a good friend about life, its meaning and how do we make sense of what goes on in the world.  She had been feeling like, “What is the point?”. She wants answers. “What is the point?” is a question that I think every human asks at some point in their life.  As we were talking, a huge question (and possibly a realization) arose within me. I have heard spiritual teachers talk about, “As Above, So Below”. I never really understood that, but I accepted it as something like this:  We humans “As Below” are a reflection of Heaven/God/Creator/Universe/Unified Field (you pick your word) which is the “As Above”. I great up Catholic and we learned that we are created in the image of God (“As Above”), which I take to mean that we (“As Below”) would have the same gifts, abilities and free will as God.  In the Lord’s Prayer, there is also a part that says, “on Earth as it is in Heaven”, which I also seem to take the same meaning as, “As Above, So Below.” Some people have explained “As Above, So Below” as, “the microcosm reflects the macrocosm”, which to me really explains the same thing. The Earth is the microcosm of “Heaven/Cosmos/Universe/Macrocosm/Above”  (once again, you pick your word), which is the macrocosm.

I looked up the quote online and found this quote by Hermes Trismegistus.

“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”

I have already learned by experience and understand “As Within, So Without” but still the “As Above, So Below” and the part, “As the Universe, So the Soul” is still baffling me.

Here is my huge question (and possibly realization).  If that is true, “As Above, So Below”, “the microcosm reflects the macrocosm” and “on Earth as it is in Heaven”, then Above/Macrocosm/Heaven may not be perfect?  Was there some choice made in the “Above/Macrocosm/Heaven” that created the chaos and is reflected here on Earth? Here we go down a rabbit hole, because then comes the question, what does “perfect” mean?  Is our experience here, no matter how painful or destructive, “perfect”? Was it by design? Was the choice that was made in “Above/Macrocosm/Heaven” actually made on purpose to see what it would be like to feel “separate” from the whole?  Did we make that choice, since there is a part of us still in “As Above” since we are multidimensional beings? Or, was it simply an error, a mistake, a simple thought that manifested by accident? There are theories that there have been many different civilizations on Earth and many “Golden Ages” of “Heaven on Earth” for hundreds of thousands of years.  Our civilization did not just begin 10,000 years ago. Humans have been around much longer than that.

I believe that as we move into the new Age of Aquarius, which is another Golden Age, that we can create Heaven on Earth.  However, does that first need to be created in “Above/Macrocosm/Heaven”? Or is it already created and is just waiting for us humans, here in the physical plane to magnetize it into our physical experience through our thought, desires and intentions?

More questions:  Does the creation in “Above/Macrocosm/Heaven” instantly reflect in “Below/Microcosm/Earth”? Or is there a lag because we live in a time/space continuum and in “Above/Macrocosm/Heaven” there is no time, so that makes this question irrelevant?  Could we instantly create if we were outside of time and space?

Another belief I hold is that this physical world is not the “real” world.  The “real” world is where we live eternally. It is where our souls come from before we are born and where they go to after we die. Earth is simply a place to experience and learn from duality.  When we are living in constant joy and bliss and love (“Above”), how do we even know what that is without experiencing the opposite of joylessness, pain and hate (“Below”), but if “As Above, So Below” is true as I understand it, then is there joylessness, pain and hate “Above”?  I don’t think so, but it leaves me confused.

If there really is no time and the past, present and future are happening simultaneously, then maybe the negative/denser emotions/feelings/beliefs are not allow in “Above/Macrocosm/Heaven” and so we have to keep coming back here to earth until we clean up our energetic mess, but then what is “Above/Macrocosm/Heaven”?  How did the negative emotions/feelings/beliefs get here in the first place if “As Above, So Below”? As we do our “clean-up work” or healing, are we healing the past, present and future, transmuting all parts of us back into the pure love energy that we are? Are we here to call all the fragmented parts of us back to the whole?

I could propose question after question and talk this in circles and circles.  I think it is what philosophers have discussed since the beginning of time. Will we ever know how it really is, what is the truth?  Or is reality simply what each different person perceives it to be? Going back to the discussion with my friend, she is so frustrated because she wants to KNOW THE TRUTH.

Wow, I confused myself even more after writing this.  This post is really only full of questions. I don’t know how it really is.  I have some theories and ideas, but I think they are only that, theories and ideas.  I think the actual reality is too big for our minds to even comprehend, but we like to think about it.   I don’t have to know and that is what faith and trust is all about.

I am so grateful to have friends that I can have these kinds of discussions with.  I am grateful that they are actually thinking about these things. I will continue on my healing journey, in full faith and trust that the end outcome is going to be beyond amazing and spectacular, without any clue as to when/how it will happen (in the NOW, of course).  If you read this far, congratulations on your perseverance. Wishing you love, joy, peace and abundance to fill your life.

“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”

— Hermes Trismegistus

What is Your Mirror?

Mt Shasta July 2018

Summer is wrapping up and we are getting ready for school to start for the kids.  This summer was an energetic whammy for me. I had many emotional ups and downs, but not based on anything in particular.  I spent a lot of time in a “hibernation” mode, even though that is typically a wintertime activity. There was a three-part eclipse series and I know that was bringing a lot of energy to Earth and it heightened many people’s sensitivities.  I think the biggest lesson I learned is that there is nothing outside of myself that will bring me the joy that I seek (or happiness, but to me joy and happiness are different things). In fact, there is nothing external in my life that is not a mirror for what I have inside myself.  This is the same for every person on Earth.

One very happy new beginning, which also demonstrates this principle, is with my partner and how we feel with each other.  I shared some of what I was going through in this blog Matters of the Heart, as far as not being able to open up to my partner completely and I had always felt a resistance to doing so.

I have continued to see the Energy Medicine practitioner and we are continuing to clear out the belief that I held/hold in every single charka, “I don’t feel safe to open to my beloved.”  The first clearing from the Heart Chakra was shared here.

The next chakra we were working on was the Solar Plexus (Power) Chakra.  As we got into it, another past life arose in which I was the mother of my husband (in this life).  It was during the Victorian Age (or sometime when women wore those kinds of dresses). My son (husband in this life) was mentally challenged.  I don’t know if he had Down’s Syndrome or some other syndrome. He was a very joyful child and always wanted to hug and kiss me, climbing on my lap, etc.  I could not handle it and I felt resistance and even repulsion to that. I had my place in society and he did not fit in. I sent him away to live with another family, but he would come back to visit and want the same kind of attention.  I felt a huge amount of guilt as a mother, but I just could not deal with it. My son felt totally rejected and as a mother, I also felt resistance and repulsion. Both of us held those respective energies and carried them over to this life.  I have come to believe that what is not totally forgiven and resolved in a past life, you bring into your next incarnation for healing. The energy needs to be transmuted back into the Divine energy of which it is and always was. It just got distorted.

While we were clearing the energy out of the chakra, the spirit of that boy (my current husband) came into the session for closure.  I did not see/feel his energy but the practitioner did. I gave him a hug (in my imagination), told him I was sorry and practiced Ho’oponopono, which is Hawaiian forgiveness practice, in which you say, “I love you.  I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” He was carrying the “rejection” energy and the practitioner could feel it leaving his energy field. After the rejection energy was gone, his spirit left the session. I was also consciously forgiving myself and the guilt/repulsion/resistance was leaving my energy field.

These stories are so “far out” and there is no way to validate the details or even the story, except through what changes I see in my life.   This healing and clearing was like flipping a switch for us. I no longer felt resistance to my husband. I no longer felt an aversion to his affection or love.  He no longer felt rejected or pushed away. It was as if all of that just melted away, in an instant. The feelings or emotions just were no longer there.

What is very interesting about this is because he was carrying “rejection” energy, I had no option but to mirror that back to him.  Because I was carrying “resistance/repulsion” energy, he had no option but to mirror that back to me.

There is NOTHING in your external world that is not a mirror for what you are holding within yourself.  It is really hard to believe and to trust that, but it is a Law of the Universe. It takes trust, self compassion, love and acceptance of responsibility for your own energy to take action steps to shift the energy.

We like to blame or make claims like:

“If my relationship was better, I would be happy.”
“If I made more money, I would be happy.”
“If I was not so busy and had more time to rest, I would be happy.”
“If THEY did not do THAT, then I would be happy.”

We are chasing the external world and believing if we can change it, we would be happy.  If this changes or if that changes, THEN I will be happy. Not true. You might feel satisfied for a minute, then it is the next thing that we start chasing hoping it will fill us up.  It won’t. It never will. That is what I am learning.

I thought that if I could just “fix” my relationship, I would feel full and joyful.  Well, my relationship is fixed and it is better than ever. It is amazing, actually and I feel supported and loved and I can give that back to him.

So why do I still cry for no reason?  Why do I still feel a disconnect with who I AM really? How do I open my heart to myself? How do I know my True Self?  That, my friends, is what this journey of life is all about. This remembrance of who our True Self is, is the ONLY reason our souls choose to be here on Earth.  We must transmute/purify all of the Divine energy we were gifted that we misused and we must do it here on Earth in these bodies. The body is what is carrying that misused and mis-created energy in our cells.

We don’t always need to know what the “story” of the energy is, but we do need to clear out the emotion that holds the energy in place.   We can do this by starting to observe ourselves. What triggers us? What are the patterns we see in our daily life? What emotions come up often?  What is showing up in our external lives that is not bringing us joy? This is an exercise in observation of Self and then forgiveness.

I am still observing mySelf.   What can you observe about yourSelf and then take responsibility to forgive yourself and others, have compassion for yourSelf, love yourSelf and know that as you heal yourSelf, you are healing the collective consciousness.  Our earth and external world will shift, both individually and collectively as you do your healing work. Thank you for the work you are doing. Please call on the Beings of Light that are supporting our transformation. They are always there to help when you ask. Much gratitude and love is being sent your way.  You are loved.  Thank you.

“You do not see the world as it is. You see it as you are.” –Anais Nin

The Healing Journey Begins

In March 2017, I attended a retreat that changed my life. Starting in 2007, when my oldest son was only seven months old, I came home from a trip visiting family in Minnesota and three days later I had gut wrenching pains and diarrhea.  The pain and frequent bowel movements just never went away. I had a colonoscopy in 2007 and my colon was inflamed and I was diagnosed with proctitis. I was not offered any advice but to apply a cortisone cream, which did not help. I put up with the “IBS”, for lack of a better diagnosis, for so long, it turned into colitis, which was my official diagnosis in 2012 after another colonoscopy.  I asked my gastroenterologist if a change in my diet might help.  She said, “There is no evidence that a change in diet makes a difference with colitis.”  She also told me, “There is no known cause for colitis and no known cure.” All I can offer you is an immune suppressant drug. At that time I was breastfeeding my third child and I am not a fan of medication of any kind, so I declined. However, her words did not resonate with me. How could there be no “cause” for this and how could there also be no “cure”.  How could diet not matter?  I just did not believe it. How could that possibly be?  That is when my real healing journey began.  I was determined to heal my body and in the process I embarked upon a journey to heal my soul.

The appointment with the gastroenterologist was the last appointment I have ever had with a MD (medical doctor) to this day. I learned that we know our bodies better than anyone. I am happy to welcome the support and advice of a MD or ND or any other practitioner when needed, but the advice needs to be filtered through my “Truth Meter” first. We are all responsible for our own healing journey, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. As a generalization, society has given away their power to too many people, whether it is their pastor, their doctor or even their psychic.  I had a pattern of giving away my power for many years, and probably many lifetimes. I had one big (and hopefully final) lesson to learn about giving away my power and learning to trust myself, which I will get to later in the story.

In my quest for self healing, I tried everything that any one suggested and also did my own research.  I did many different diets eliminating many foods…the Specific Carbohydrate diet, the Paleo diet, taking out all the major allergens:  gluten, dairy, soy, corn, peanuts, sugar, etc.  In 2012, my baby son had a severe diaper rash from the day he was born.  After about a month, I figured it must be something I was eating because he was only on breastmilk.  In that process, I found out he was gluten intolerant and also dairy did not sit well with him.  When I took those two items out of my diet, his diaper rashes went away.  My son is 6 now and I still have kept him off gluten and he is mostly off dairy, except for an occasional indulgence, which sometimes gives him eczema on his hands almost immediately (it turns red first).  I digress…

Other things I did besides diet change in my quest for self-healing:  clean my bowel (colonic irrigation), a parasite cleanse with herbs, 6 months of liver and gallbladder flushes (that was not that fun but made a huge difference and I would recommend it), taking certain supplements or raw foods (apple cider vinegar, raw garlic, etc.) and many different types of energetic healing (NAET, Energy Medicine, EFT, Chiropractic, etc.).  After many years of trying things, I do believe (not scientifically proven, because the stool tests were negative) that parasites were my original cause.  They stuck around and really impaired my gut lining.  I believe that many more people in the USA have parasites than the MD’s believe.  When I asked my GI about it, she said that unless I travelled outside the country, it was not likely.  I believe that I had liver flukes, intestinal flukes and tapeworms.  The GI ordered a stool test to look for the ova, but that turned up negative, which they often do, even if someone has parasites.  That being said, the mental cause of parasites, according to Louise Hay’s “Heal Your Body” book is “Giving your power to others.  Letting others take over.”  As I progressed in my healing journey, I realized that had been the case, so it makes sense that I would attract parasites, which it turns out I was host to both physical parasites as well as energetic parasites.

My physical healing journey started in 2012.  As I started reading and learning, I started realizing that we are more than this physical body and hence my spiritual journey also began.  I merged the physical and the spiritual healing and through the years and all the techniques, diets and methods I tried, I was 95% healed.  In 2016, there were still 5% of symptoms hanging on that just did not want to go away no matter what I did.  Through a tele-summit (online guest speakers) called “Healing with the Masters” I heard of a program that guides you to eat specifically for your body type, PH360 (  I signed up.  Through that program, I heard that PH360 offered retreats.  I was in such a state of overwhelm in my life, I just wanted a vacation and to get away for as long as I could, so I picked a seven day retreat (vs. the five day retreat) that was in Mexico in March 2017.  Little did I know, the seven day retreat was a spiritual healing retreat (Numinatus) vs. the physical wellness retreat (PH360).

As soon as I signed up for the retreat, the rest of my physical symptoms just went away.   I did not realize this right away, but one day I noticed that I did not have the physical symptoms anymore and I was not doing anything different.  The Divine works in mysterious ways to get us to follow the path that we are supposed to be on.  The Divine is always conspiring in our favor and everything that happens is for our highest good, even if we don’t think so at the time.

As I stated at the opening of this story, the retreat in March 2017 changed my life.  The retreat was put on by Numinatus ( and Matt Riemann, who also is a key player in PH360 (  I went to the retreat in a state of stress and overwhelm.  I had three little kids at home, working a full-time real estate career, was doing most of the household work, was office manager for my husband’s business and was also doing bookkeeping for another business.  I look back on what I was doing at the time and I don’t know how I managed.  No wonder I was sick.

After the healing retreat, I actually felt joy, or what I thought was joy.  I don’t even ever remember feeling joy in my life.  I had times when I was “happy” but it was fleeting.  The Numinatus Personal Healing Retreat focused on getting into your subconscious programs and changing them.  I met the most amazing people and really felt like I had found my Soul family.  I was so excited to be part of this group and to know the people on the “team” at the retreat, who were part of a program called Mini Magicians, led by Matt Riemann.  The leader of the group, Matt Riemann, really built trust with me.  He was able to see that I had a multi-dimensional mask on my face that did not let information in or out, which was blocking me from even seeing joy as a choice.  For years, I knew something was off because my face could never relax and I noticed it.  I had even asked one of the energetic healers why I could not relax my face when I was meditating.  It always felt like it held so much tension, especially in my forehead.  I know this sounds far-fetched, having a metaphysical mask on my face, but it felt and still feels true that it was indeed there.

At this time in my life, my husband and I were on a very rocky cliff.  We did not argue, but we never talked either.  I felt like I did everything (later to find out it was because I had to control everything).  I felt very, very disconnected.  I did not want to live like that anymore.  I asked him to attend a Numinatus Personal Healing retreat with me in Sedona, AZ thinking if these people could not help us, no one could.   I had that much trust in them.  My husband agreed.  We did open our communication and understanding of each other, but the retreat did not produce the same results for us that I felt it had for me when I was in Mexico.  We soon fell back into our old routine of making assumptions, not communicating and really living parallel lives in the same house.

The people I met on the retreats, who I felt were my Soul family (the “team” members)  were members of the first year (and first one ever) of the Modern Mystery School called Mini Magicians, which was started by Matt Riemann.  I was so excited to start the Mini Magicians program in October 2017.  I could not wait to start being with my embodied soul family more often.  The goal of the Mini Magicians program is to help open your intuitive gifts and move forward on your spiritual path, or so I thought that was the goal. That was my goal.

As part of the Mini Magicians program, there were a series of Numinatus Personal Healing retreats that we would go on as “team” to assist the retreat attendees with their experience.  It was the same kind of retreat I went on as a participant, twice, but now I was on the other side as a “team” member.  I helped on one retreat in Bali in November 2017 and then another one in Thailand in February 2018.  After the retreat in Thailand, I felt that there were some very discordant energies there.  I could not put my finger on it, but the “off” feeling was with the group, not necessarily with the participants, who had a wonderful experience at the retreat.

When I arrived home, I started getting feelings and many signs that maybe this group was not built on a pure intention to really help people, despite what the “lip service” was from the leader, Matt Riemann.

First, I had a dream, in which I won’t go into details, but Matt Riemann appeared to me and it was not like a normal dream.  It was that kind of realistic dream that you remember and you know it actually happened on a different plane.  Matt Riemann is very gifted and has knowledge of how to navigate the mental plane and the “unseen” world.  He was able to “see” the multidimensional mask I had on my face, which was very real.  I have no doubt that he knows how to astral travel and visit you in your space when you are most open (between 3am – 5am).  Unless you have strong boundaries and a strong intuitive sense when there is another energy in your space, often you don’t even know.  The dream was rather disturbing and made me think, “Hmmm, something is off with this dream” and it made me feel uncomfortable.

Next, I personally felt that we, the Mini Magicians group, were starting to be taken advantage of.  We (in the first and second year groups) all paid a lot of money (some to the tune of $25,000) to be part of the group and now many were being asked to do quite a bit of work for free and even on our own dime.  It was all couched as “totally voluntary” but there were a lot of people doing a lot of work for the organization all free because they believed in the mission of “healing the world”.  To me it never felt right.  I did not feel there was an equal energetic exchange for what was asked and what was given from Numinatus or PH360, but some really smart people were doing it.

Third, there was a lack of transparency regarding the entire program (Mini Magicians) and organization (Numinatus).  Matt Riemann never told us his full story.  He would not talk about how he got his gifts.  At the beginning, it seemed he was just being humble.  Now, I wonder if it was to keep people from asking too many questions?  The emails from Numinatus were never signed by a real person in communications, just “Your Numinatus Family”.  You never knew who you were communicating with to hold them accountable for what they said.  When we asked questions about how things were done or how decisions were made within Numinatus, we were made to feel like the questions were coming up because we had issues in our “mind” and any triggers we had regarding the lack of transparency or honesty were something we just needed to work on our “belief system” to resolve.

Fourth, there were alleged accusations of Matt being involved with women while having a long-time partner and at the same time having secret second partner (which was supposed to be a secret, but many in the group knew).   When he found out that I knew about several of these women, he very clearly told me that I was not to talk about it and that it was his business.  I was not to talk about his personal life.  He was very concerned about his image and that I did not talk about what I knew with other people.

I started to get the feeling that Matt Riemann was really overstepping boundaries into people’s mind space and some people’s personal space.  He knew how the mind worked and would be able to get people to do whatever he wanted to because they trusted him.  He had even told me that once someone trusted him, they would do anything he asked.  In thinking back to the conversations I had with him over the months, there were often very leading questions to find out where I stood on certain topics (sexuality, money, family life, etc.) and I believe it was to see to what extent I could be “used” to help him get what he wanted.  It all felt very covert and he is also very patient.

Because people had an amazing experience, whether it was at a retreat, a conference, or wherever, people put their full trust and faith in Matt and then he would use mind control and manipulation to get people to do things that he wanted them to do (sign up for a $25,000 program without even knowing what they were getting, do tons of work for free that a normal company would need to pay people to do, wire $25,000 to Hong Kong without even asking questions about why the money was going to Hong Kong, etc.).  Good people really liked the message of “healing the world” and they really want to get on board and help.  He also was able to facilitate an amazing feeling experience for people, build trust and then some very smart people would do things they normally would never do in different circumstances, without even a second thought.  That in itself has to make you wonder what is really going on.

Because I had seen many lives change (for the better) as did mine, I did not want to believe that Matt might not have a pure intent to really help people, but I kept getting signs from my intuitive friends outside of this group.  First, my husband had a dream that pointed to mind control and manipulation.  Next, my very intuitive best friend saw a video that he had done and said she energetically felt that he was not telling the truth and was being manipulative, like he was taking more than he was giving.  Third, another intuitive friend said that when I had invited her to a retreat, she felt manipulation and control through the website when she went to look at it and felt sick in her solar plexus.  Finally, two of the most committed members of the group withdrew and I knew something was going on then.

After having a conversation with Matt about the issues that bothered me about the Mini Magicians program (why people were working for free in his company, why there was no transparency in communications, why there was no real difference between the programs that people paid $10,000 for and $25,000, etc.) I was told I should have a session with one of the main retreat healers to work through my “importance” and “fairness” issues in my belief system.  The conversation I was having about “value” in my head was really due to a different underlying energetic belief that I had.  He said it was a low level of consciousness discussion and after my beliefs about “unfairness” and “importance” were dealt with, I would not have the need in my mind to justify “value”.

Matt has often portrayed to the group his belief that money does not matter, it is just energy (which it is), but he refused to refund any tuition if I decided to drop down to the $10,000 level (which actually was no different than the $25,000 level).  Later after others left Mini Magicians, he refused to refund anyone any portion of their $25,000 tuition.  The most amazing part is that very smart people just wired him $25,000 without even signing a contract outlining the terms!!  He also had offered commission to people who sold retreats, but in some instances, he did not pay that commission to them after their participants attended the retreats.  There have also been healers who stopped going to retreats because they were not paid.  Matt said he did not benefit from the money that came in and that Numinatus was a nonprofit, but if you look up, or, none of them are registered nonprofit corporations with the IRS.  He has .org websites, but are they really registered nonprofits?  Maybe in Australia, but I did not find any nonprofits registered there either.  Matt suggested to me that I was in Mini Magicians to be on a spiritual journey and that if I was focusing on money, money, money and value, then I would have a lesser spiritual journey because I was focused on money.  I was just asking him to clarify the reasoning between the two different levels.  He took no responsibility, which is his typical modus operandi.  He makes the questioner feel like whatever question comes up is their issue, he throws it back to them and makes them think their question was of a “lower consciousness”.

After my conversation with him at the beginning of April, 2017, about six months after joining the Mini Magicians group, I knew I needed to leave.  I love, love, love the group members and most of them are amazing, genuine people, but I also knew I had to go.  I have forgiven myself and also Matt Riemann.  I send love and ask for Divine grace for the entire situation.  Each of us is responsible for our own experience and the learning that comes with it.  I take responsibility for my decisions.  If you have some “Hmmm, that does not seem right” realization about any situation, pay attention.  That is your intuition speaking to you.  Don’t let you mind override your inner knowing.


I know that the experiences I had with the Mini Magicians group and the people I met were for a reason and for the highest good of my soul.  I know that this was a huge soul lesson for me to learn to not give my power away.  I had given my power away.  Through having the courage to speak with Matt about my concerns and then leaving, I was standing in my power.  I was speaking my truth.  Yes, there was a lot of anger that lead up to that decision, but after the decision was made, I felt a great peace.  I received such gifts out of this experience and such amazing wonderful friends.

I know that was exactly where I was supposed to be and exactly what I was supposed to experience.  When the time with Mini Magicians was complete, I received many external signs and a strong internal knowing that it was time to move on and I listened.  Our intuition and listening to our heart are our greatest gifts from the Divine and it is how our God-Self or Higher-Self speaks to us.  My heart is filled with gratitude.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton